riotrock

So....things have been looking up lately, new job, new city, awesome new roommate. But somehow I'm just not happy. In fact I'm fucking depressed. I've come to a realization over the past few weeks, I can't be alone, as used to it as I am. I don't mean relationship alone but just alone in general. I need to socialize more than the normal person I guess, it may be due to the fact that I am single and haven't realized that a girlfriend is what I'm missing in my life, or that I've spent so much of my life alone. Maybe it's the adhd kicking in lately. Who knows but it's driving me crazy, and probably everyone around me. As far as finding a signifigant other goes I would rather not, too much bullshit to go through and I never pick the right one. If I'm lucky enough to find a good one I usually screw it up and can't deal with the after effects of it. Plus I'd rather not look cause then I pay attention to it and it takes me away from the comfortable numbness I usually feel. I just tried looking for it again and the way I feel right now makes me sure I don't want to look for it for a long time to come. If it finds me, then who knows? But I'm not putting myself out like that again...fuck i can't wait for july.

holy fuck I've got to get too werk! I've got less than a month to get the fuck outta here. So a new job a new place a new city. in less than a month. Fuck I gotta pull this together.i can't stay in this stagnant state. It's depressing the fuck outta me. This year is looking soo promising, a.) a new album b.) a new label c.) a new city? d.) a fresh start e.) maybe school and career?

If I don't make this happen i probably won't see 27. If all else fails I give upo every dream and opportunity and move to B.C in January. we'll see...

So it's official, I've fucked my life up to an unattainable aspect. I moved 3 days ago and now i want to move again,. I have come to the realization that my mom was right. I'm a loner. I'd rather be on my own in almost every aspect. I definetly need to live on my own and have my own space. Roomates are not for me. The only problem is I've fucked myself up sooo badly over the past 5 years that I can't get a job anywhere. Therefore can't afford shit. I've made less tha $5000.00 a year in the past 3 or 4 years. OUCH.I don't see much of a future at this point. I'm sick of being truly alone, I need someone in my life to motivate me to do things cause it's blatently obviouI don't give a fuck about myself.